Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(248): View more from Michigan

i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.

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(562): View more from California

Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up

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(815): View more from Illinois

Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest

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(703): View more from Virginia

I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.

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(619): View more from California

I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?

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(519): View more from Ontario

he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.

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(505): View more from New Mexico

all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me

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(253): View more from Washington

You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".

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