SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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