Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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