someone threw a dead crab at me
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
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