I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
