While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
