Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Come back. Shots need mouths.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
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