Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
