Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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