You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
