Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
