awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
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