dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
