MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Randomize
