Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Your cock deserves a montage
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
