don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
