I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
