Don't make out with my wife yet
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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