alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
