I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
