i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
