I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
