So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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