So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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