forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
