I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
