Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
