I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
