i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
