Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Randomize
