Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
