To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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