You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize