I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
