I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
