if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
