Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
