my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
