yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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