I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
