he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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