Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
