Will you blow on my dice?
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Randomize
