I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Randomize
