I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
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