all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
