this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Welp...herpes.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
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