I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
That's when you crack a 10am beer
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
