He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
