This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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