So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
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