screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
