This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
