I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
