It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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