Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
