Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
a search helicopter?!
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Randomize
