Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
