you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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