You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
