Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
