I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
