So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
