my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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