Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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