More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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