OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
