Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize