I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
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