Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I currently don't understand fingers.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
