We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
