How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Boobs speak an international language.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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