fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize