i just had sex bonerless
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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