I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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