he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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